- Submitted by Long Ball, DOF

Do you want a trick or a treat?  We have journeyed through every division of the NFL, ranking the head coaches as to the temperature extremity of their respective britches.  Has anything has changed over the past three weeks?  I would venture a yes – if anything is certain in the NFL, it is change!

Let’s pick out the head coaches that are truly on the hot seat, regardless of division, rank them and help the clubs choose their replacements.  Click the link below and see what it feels like to be a GM . . .

We started in the AFC East and there’s no doubt that Dick Jauron of the Bills will make our list of finalists for this highly anticipated honor.  None of the coaches from the AFC North qualify, as the Bengals have gone on a bit of a winning streak.  Jack Del Rio and Gary Kubiak have won some games since we covered the AFC South, but may still be in the running.  Tom Cable will not face charges from local authorities but still may from Sheriff Goodell and Norv Turner needs his Chargers to start a winning streak soon.

Jim Zorn has been given the proverbial “kiss of death” and poor old Wade is strictly on life support in the NFC East.  The coaches in the Norse division appear to be in good stead at this point, John Fox will not be head coach at Carolina in 2010 and the NFC West will probably remain status quo.

According to my country-boy arithmetic, that is 8 of 32 potential head coaching changes, or 25% — so, shall we start the countdown?

8)    Gary Kubiak, Houston Texans – Gregg Williams heads west on I-10 with his Super Bowl ring to turn the talented Texans drafted over the past few years into a fire-breathing defensive unit.

7)    Tom Cable, Oakland Raiders – Say it ain’t so, Sluggo – Al Davis calls Bill Parcells for advice and ends up hiring Todd Bowles as the next head coach of the Raiders.

6)    Norv Turner, San Diego Chargers – The Chargers have always been an offensive team – so Mike Mularkey is the choice here, as A.J. Smith will not hire a “celebrity” coach.

5)    Jack Del Rio, Jacksonville Jaguars – The Jaguars need a return to dominance from their defense – and Leslie Frazier is just the man to do it.

4)    Wade Phillips, Dallas Cowboys – I just don’t see Cuzzin Jerruh going after another big name – there is mutual respect with Shanahan and Holmgren, but both may require more control.  The supposed heir-apparent, Jason Garrett, may still be the choice but some luster has been removed from his star.  A dark-horse candidate might be Mike Nolan, another 3-4 genius who has worked wonders with the Bronco defense

3)    Dick Jauron, Buffalo Bills – Can Marv Levy come out of retirement one more time?  Wait, didn’t he hire Jauron?  Games will be played in Toronto – “Pinball” Clemons coached the Argonauts to their last Grey Cup.  Seriously, the Bills are hard to predict, so let’s go off the wall and guess that Jerry Gray comes back to Buffalo as the new head coach.

2)    John Fox, Carolina Panthers – Bill Cowher – ‘nuff said!

1)    Jim Zorn, Washington Redskins – It won’t be Sherman Lewis, unless “B-9” is in the Redskins playbook – Mike Shanahan is the replacement here as long as Cuzzin Jerruh doesn’t start a bidding war.

Agree or disagree?  Never let it be said that old Long Ball can’t “what-if” a scenario to death.  I hope you’ve enjoyed the speculation and remember – the only person who likes change is a wet baby!